As we journey through life, those around us, family, friends, society, teach us the rules. They do this mostly with the best of intentions, wanting to help us fit in, be happy, be successful, then we create beliefs; lists of things we should do, ought to do, can do, can’t do and how things should be done. At some point we start to add our own items to the list and eventually we end up with a gargantuan bunch of beliefs that we become over attached to, even if they no longer serve us.

I had often heard people say “I’ll believe it when I see it”. Somewhere along my journey I stumbled upon the book “You’ll see it, when you believe it”, which turned this popular saying on its ear. The book suggested we can choose our beliefs, and that when we do, we change what we experience. I was fascinated.

I became interested in exploring the removal of shoulds in my life, the old beliefs of what I ought to do, what needs to be done and how it should be done; and also the beliefs around how it shouldn’t be done, or can’t be done. I decided to banish old beliefs that no longer served me. This proved to be easier said, than done.

Many of our beliefs we are not even aware of, they are deeply buried programs that run automatically when certain situations arise, they become habits, ways of responding to things without thinking. I have discovered over the course of time some ways of uncovering and questioning my beliefs.

You can start by listening to your language. How often do you hear yourself saying “I should ……” at the beginning of a sentence or “He/she should …….”; or how about “I know I should but……..” ; and “I wish I could but…….”; and “I can’t do that”. When you hear yourself saying things like this, question the statement. Is that really true? Are there other options? What belief is attached to that statement?

You can also examine situations in your personal life that aren’t the way you want them to be and ask yourself “What would I need to believe, for this to be the result”. I discovered some deeply buried, subtle beliefs using this technique. Here is one I revealed. I had become aware that I was not being treated with respect by people close to me. I began by blaming them and then I started to ask questions. What I eventually came to realize was that I believed I was not responsible enough to earn their respect. Now this was not true, in fact I was being over responsible, however an old tape, a gremlin voice was hanging onto the belief that I was irresponsible. Becoming aware of that belief and changing it had a profound impact on my life. First, I started to treat myself with more respect and then it rippled out from there.

Another method I found useful was to approach things from the opposite end and ask “What would I need to believe to create what I do want?” or “What can I choose to believe that will bring me greater joy and passion? (or whatever you are longing for). Einstein once said “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”  Which belief would make your life more amazing?

A belief I am currently choosing is that we live in a world that is magical. That belief is bringing delight and wonder into my life. It is definitely serving me.

I encourage you to question your shoulds and can’ts, challenge your old beliefs and choose empowering ones that fill your life with joy and delight.